Letter published in The Trucker, 2014
I can’t count how many times I’ve been shocked into consciousness at 2 am by the sonic assault of some inconsiderate churl engaging his jake brake while outfitted with straight pipes. Each time I see a truck show or a big rig that wins the “classiest truck” prize or the “super truck” designation, I seethe because the winner invariably is sporting those big, shiny, loud pipes. I have been conditioned, through decades of hard experience, to equate those thick, unmuffled straight pipes exclusively with meum interruptum somnum. Some of these obnoxious and rude drivers employ their thundering jakes while going 5 mph through the truck stop parking lot! Nobody needs a jake brake while traveling below 10 mph. I’ve come to eschew the sight of those tony pipes more than a DOT checkpoint. Surely the guys who install these on their trucks are compensating for some shortcoming in their masculinity. As much as I am repulsed by the prospect of the state getting any more scratch from truck drivers, I do hope every one of those selfish noisemakers gets a citation for “unmuffled exhaust” commensurate with the size of their accursed stacks.